You are good enough
In this episode Lisa Tamati and Neil Wagstaff discuss the phenomenon of the imposter syndrome, of having a lack of self confidence and self acceptance, about understanding the power of your words and thoughts to change your attitude to yourself and to your potential as a person.
How our perceptions of others always being better than us, diminishes our power and how that is a misconception of reality. Our everyones experiences colours the way they see themselves and the world and why you need to stand in your own power and own your own destiny.
This is about shifting the self talk, about stopping apologising for not being an expert at every damn thing and understanding the power of self confidence to change what you can achieve.
Hope you enjoy the show.
We wanted to let you know we have another live weekend running seminar coming up on the 9th and 10th of November in beautiful Hawkes Bay in New Zealand so if you want to come and learn everything there is to know around running and upgrade your mindset and health while you are there visit our information page at:
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Speaker 1: (00:00)
Well. Hi everybody. Lisa Tamati me here once again, fantastic to have you with us. I'm here with my wing man. Neil Wagstaff, sitting over in the beautiful Hawkes Bay. How are you doing buddy? I'm good. How are you? Oh, very good. And today we've got another fantastic episode for you. We have just come off the back of our weekend run seminar that we have them head on the weekend and have a lot north. And beautiful north island of New Zealand's, if you're listening to this from overseas. It's sort of in the north island on the, on the east coast. Beautiful place. And we had a fantastic weekend. We had a full house of city od runners come to learn everything about running, but they actually went away learning a heck of a lot about mindset and about motivation and about nutrition and everything else in between.
Speaker 1: (00:47)
And was really, really a fantastic weekend. We are running another live event on the weekend of the ninth and tenth of November again, and have a lot more for if anyone's interested, I'm going to put a link in the show notes for you to register and you can find out all about it. We'd love to have you come and join us if you want a fantastic weekend with like minded people that are all into health and fitness and learning about upgrading the minds, the running skills and their bodies. So it's really a fantastic weekend. Neil, how did you find the weekend, right? Did you have a good time?
Speaker 2: (01:21)
Well it was great, , it's always the energy at those things that is awesome. The excitement or the stories everyone brings to it. It's epic. It just makes me smile thinking about, It gets the hairs up on the back of my neck cause everyone's there for different reason. They're there for a common interest of obviously running, but they've got their own goals. They've got their own why. And it's those special stories that, that make it for me, it's just, yeah, it's so cool. And to see people evolve over the weekend and come in a little bit unsure about what they're capable of and realize by the end of the weekend that, wow, I can do a whole lot more than I thought I was able to do.
Speaker 1: (01:53)
Yeah, it's really fantastic to see that. And you know, one of the main themes that keeps coming and reoccurring at these events and you know, with us dealing with hundreds of athletes and coaching, we get this common theme coming through, which is that people come to us and they go, they qualify everything. Like, Hi guys, I'm really interested in your one coaching programs, but I'm not a real runner and I'm only just a real slow, you know, middle of the pack or I'm just starting out and everything is qualified with the words. I'm not a real runner. And so we're going to do an episode today about, I'm not a real.dot dot. Because this is, this is a thing that's not just to do with running, but it's in every part of our lives. I find a lot of people are going around saying, I'm going to not a real ... , I'm less than what we think I might be.
Speaker 1: (02:45)
And we're going around with this lack of self confidence really and who we are. And we're not sitting in our power in there, you know, confidence that we can really achieve a lot of things. You know, when I go, you know, I'm studying a lot at the moment, all about real estate investing and all of this, and this is a new area to me, right? So when I go to see an expert, I don't want to go in the qualifying myself saying, oh, I'm a complete numpty. I know nothing about anything. But I do go in there and say, look, I'm new to this and I'm really keen to learn, but I don't go and say that I'm, I'm a complete idiot because that sits me up for, for being in a lower position, you know? And so being not confident in what I'm actually going to do.
Speaker 1: (03:31)
Yes, I might be new to a new skill, but that has nothing to do with where I can get to and that's nothing to do with how I should be seeing myself. You're just learning a new skill and each and every one of us is a new newbie in one area and an experience in another and we don't need to feel ashamed about this fact when we're starting something new and it's scary and we don't need to qualify this. Well I'm not a real runner or I'm not a real late or I'm not a real business person or I'm not a real real estate investor or whatever your area is that you are going to try to find out about. It's super that you are here to learn and it's really important to sort of stand in your own power and say, this is who I am. I'm an expert in x, Y, Z. I'm new to this area and not have to go, you know? So like you, you heard it again and again and the weekend day. Yeah.
Speaker 2: (04:25)
Interestingly throughout the week with some people I've been working with at the gym and some some of our regular coaching clients as well. I've done a couple of coaching calls this this week and one of the things we've been working on with a few of the clients is, is really what are your, what are your strong words? So often ask people that were your strong words. So rather to start your sentence with I'm not, or I can't start with I am and I can, but what, what is the strong word? I am, I am strong, I am a runner, I am good, I am gray. I'm a superhero. So the minute you reframe that in your head and start a sentence with that, all of a sudden the whole direction of the conversation and the situation will, will change. The other bit. Just backtracking a little bit on what you were saying is is where the way you are approaching situations, which is gold, you people often forget that they've got a multitude of experience and a huge skillset that is very transferable into the new thing.
Speaker 2: (05:17)
The renewed yet. So I might be a Newbie at certain things you were talking about. Obviously the property investing, but the the years of experience, you've got another aspects of life they're going to pull through to that and all of a sudden you start to understand that you're going to pull on that skill set and pull it through and go, actually I understand this is just looking at it through a slightly different, slightly different Lens, so it's really about how your, your entering a room, how you're entering conversation, how you're, you're, you're, you're setting yourself up. We had usually the weekends example, a group of unsure people who less feeling a whole lot sure about what they're able to do and what they need to do and how to do it. It's, it's almost like they've mapped, got the formula that allows them to go, I am a runner.
Speaker 2: (05:57)
The, I'm one of the ladies I spoke to this week, she's, she's done more ultra marathons than I have more day stage races than I have because I haven't yet done one. And I'm sitting there telling and explaining this to us saying, actually, if we look on paper, you, we could argue that you're more of a run in the lamb. Who Do you think some more the way she is, she's like, you're the, you're the runner actually. You're, you're more of a runner. So I should be one. I should be the one. And I, I definitely think I'm a runner, so it's it's just, yeah, qualifying it in your head. So the, the, the confidence lists as you, as you move forward.
Speaker 1: (06:28)
Yeah. And you don't need to be the absolute best in the world. So even be a teacher like your, your, you know, like you said, you're running teaching and you were my coach for a decade before you even got into business. Yeah. Did I go to you like you haven't run 150 ultramarathons or anything? Are you see for not as experienced or not logical enough to help me? No, the opposite because you can see it from completely different it's perspective. You come from the science and the whole logical thinking and almond and the sub, you know, athlete state of yes I have the experience and that's why what we do is a really super good combination of experience and science behind the whole thing. And this is, you know, just understanding who you are, what you're capable of and just see the transformation and the people over the weekend from coming in all nervous coming into this new environment and Ireton we go to a course or a conference or learning, it's, it's a scary, you know, uncomfortable feeling when you first arrive at the front door.
Speaker 1: (07:26)
Hasn't had, nobody knows each other. And you sort of like, oh my God, what am I doing here? And, and I are going to be super athletes. You know, this is, this is some of the mentality of people coming into an afterwards that tell us this, you know, I came in and expecting everyone to be superheroes. You know, and expecting to be told you're going to train harder and go more, you know, Rara [inaudible] and all that sort of shit. And they, it wasn't what they got. They actually got a whole lot of amazing information on how to, for health, those of, of what they came for, but they asked that they lift understanding the why and they leave feeling empowered in the, the doubtful thoughts that they're having, the fears that they're experiencing, the guilt that they are experiencing is common to the entire room.
Speaker 1: (08:18)
And that includes you and me too. Yeah, exactly. It's so powerful. I just to understand that she had experience instead of putting everybody else up on a pedestal. And I'm down here as the lowly beginner on any side and we tend to do that. We see, we tend, you know, to always see everyone else better than us and as having everything together. And when you look around the social media world that we live in, that's very much water's portrayed in, you're always comparing somebody's Instagram moment, which is a highly tier moments. Okay. Of the best moment during the run. At the top of the hill or the, for the camera, you're not seeing the grind and the shit and the tears and the stuff on the way to the top of that man's and you're only getting the snapshot and then you and your life are going wrong.
Speaker 1: (09:13)
I couldn't do that. And that'd be the main, everybody else is running a hundred and ultra-marathons a week. You know, that's the sort of feeling you start to get. And you gotta remember like social media media is just so curated. So if I spoke with, for example, knows exactly what you're into and we'll feed you a thousand runners doing a thousand crazy suits things every week. So you get this, this misconception that the whole world is out there running bigger than you are when it started. You know, Facebook was just picking out what you're interested in and there therein lies the danger. And you know, this has been discussed before with the elections and things like that. You are getting feed what you are actually interested in and therefore skews your view of what you're seeing and what you're actually experiencing online. And just being aware of that whole dynamic.
Speaker 1: (10:03)
And this isn't just in social media but very, you know, it's very prevalent in today's world that we see a lot of beautiful plastic people with lovely photos and then we think that what we're experiencing in our internal world, you comparing it now, bad moments and hard moments against somebody beautiful picture and it's, it's just completely an unrealistic perception of the world. And this is like the beauty of being something like a live seminar like we did. People have a perception of me, they have a perception of you and then when they actually get to meet you, it's nothing like that. They realize you're just as human as everyone else with the site.
Speaker 2: (10:42)
Exactly. Exactly. And that that is the most, one of the most comforting things for everyone at the weekend. It was by far one of the most compelling things for them to just, you could see the relaxation come across their faces when they were like, these guys are normal.
Speaker 1: (10:57)
Speaker 2: (10:59)
These guys, these guys are more that their normal stuff, they, they're there, they're like us. And then once you realize that you can stop, then it's people stop feeling like an imposter and they start feeling like they're at home. And that's, that's really what we want you to take away from today is that yet we're not imposters we can feel at home. We understand our why well enough and we can relax and do what we do. We need to.
Speaker 1: (11:21)
Yeah. And they, and so imposter syndrome is the for when you, maybe you go through life and you're starting to feel like, oh, I shouldn't be here. I'm not good enough. I can't be teaching this cause I'm not the number one expert in the world. You know, like just if I want to go to the gym and build some muscles, do I go and engage Arnold Schwarzenegger now because he's like, you know, like so far out of my perception of what could possibly be then, you know, just having someone one or two steps ahead of you or three steps ahead of you is all need. You don't need to be the best in the world. So if you're that teacher too, you don't need to be 100 million steps are here, you know, and we talked with other run coaches too that are, you know, they have a special niche and they go, oh, we're not like you though. Like, you know, this is often the conversation I've had with people. I'm just taking absolute beginners and I go, y'all know, I'm taking absolute beginners to, Oh, I thought you'd only be working with the elite. No.
Speaker 1: (12:21)
And everyone has the area with they feeling comfortable, you know, and I'm almost certainly not comfortable with Olympic athletes, you know, you have never been one. And I don't have, you know, that skill set or those genetics and I understand more the battles of the everyday person and therefore I'm comfortable in that area teaching to people that have these issues, you know, and I don't really give a shit about the top 1% but good on them. You know, they'll find better coaches than me for that. And so it's understanding we use it in the world and then setting in that power and then using those words as Neal, seeing those in your, in your thought processes saying, I am a master of this. I am a runner, I am strong. I am able to do this. Not, oh, I can't do that. And Oh my gosh, that's so amazing what you do. I couldn't even do that. And all that. If you hear yourself tight saying those things, just understand that that person's just a little bit further up the mountain than on top of the mountain either. You know, we're all on differing degrees of different mountains
Speaker 2: (13:26)
And nice people we can learn so much from. And that's the, that's the thing I've got very, very comfortable with over the years is, as you said at the start or the start of the podcast today is the asking just go and, well actually that's, that's amazing. How'd you do that? Being very comfortable that you don't know and getting someone to explain to you how they've put there. That's exactly how we've moved through and how we've gone out is to go, oh, hang on a minute, explain that again. I don't, I don't fully get it. I don't understand it. And then all of a sudden you learn and realize that actually that person was in the same position as we were last year and all that and it's got no bit further ahead so we can try the information and move forward. I think as well to add into your why is just really drilling down, which is probably another podcast in itself, lesion really working out where your purposes, so really understanding what your purpose is, what your position is and purposes in life.
Speaker 2: (14:11)
I want you to get comfortable with that and you understand what you want to be sharing, what you want to be doing and you want to be. It's really easy to be in your own skin and we're not falling into that trap of making the mistake of I should be this or I should be that to the company every day, just sit in their company going, this is me, this is what I want to be doing. I know what I'm doing, I know how I'm doing it and I'm not looking around again. You should do that. I'll try and do it and it just feels wrong. Move the really tight the times, work out what you, what you should be doing, the purposes
Speaker 1: (14:38)
In life and where you will meet to be studying in life and they realize that you can't do everything. And this is the one of the beautiful things about getting older. You know like there's a lot of negatives about getting older and we all know those very well, but there's a hell of a lot of benefits to in, it's called wisdom and exactly yearning. And if you have an open mind and if you start to develop your skills set, then you, you know, just because you've been alive for a long time, you've got a lot more experiences to pull on and to share from. And if you keep an open mindset and continue your education, then you can end up feeling a lot more stronger as you get older then, you know, I know certainly I do. Like if I look back even 10 15 years ago where I was in as to her, I am now, as you know,
Speaker 2: (15:18)
It's not there. It's night and day different. I remember from when we first met the language you used to use that and the language you use now is it's night and day and we will evolve. We will change and we should be comfortable. We should be counseled with doing that. Just to educate ourselves on an ongoing, under a hundred percent. And it's yeah, I mean there's a challenge off the back of this should be how many times this week and the listeners go out and say, everyone that's listening. I am. So I am.dot, dot. Yeah. I can.dot, dot. And I do that though. How many times should you get that in? And just the saying it that saying out loud or I am a runner or cam run, I do run. Is, is it just, it makes me feel, makes me feel better. Saying out loud. Yes, great.
Speaker 1: (16:00)
And stop apologizing for existing. They would just go through the whole as all, sorry, I'm not an expert on this area or I'm love this and I'm not of that. Just having the confidence to say I am and even if you don't feel it, and the in the moment that you're saying it, you're suggesting to your subconscious and we did a podcast last week on reprogramming subconscious. Correct. We haven't heard that. Go back and listen to that because reprogramming your subconscious is what we're talking about here we are talking about and it's repeated use of that language where you want to be even if you're not the, now I am a master of x, Y,Z , that I might not be yet, but that's what I'm putting into my mind next for suggesting to my mind that I am to my subconscious that I am and it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Speaker 1: (16:46)
It will if you keep saying it and if you keep understanding it and be going through that. The deep work last week, I've taught talk about, you know, self hypnosis and things like that that can speed the process up. And you know, like I was listening to another podcast today and it was all about, you know focusing on the end goal, you know. So even though it might seem ridiculously far away, I want you to give yourself permission to set a big audacious goal and sit there and visualize that future. Where are you gonna be in three years time? Where are you going to be in five years time? If you fulfill this dream and you're gonna, you know, be running new and B or are you going to be running Badwater, you know, and there can be a ridiculous strain seeing yourself, this, visualize the newspaper articles being written about, you visualize the, the stories being told, visualize the book that's going to come out.
Speaker 1: (17:45)
This is the sort of stuff I do. And then I work backwards from air. Okay, that might be a pipe dream right now, but it's near as my, my indicator of where the hell I'm going. That's my true north. If you like. And then I have, I work back from the, so if I want to get to the year, what do I need to do in the next five years? What you'll typically find, so is that you'll go but this so far away, but if you in the first year just to one 10th of what it would take to get there, if you find that you gather momentum over the time. Okay. So the first year you might be just out of the blocks, you might just get your first 10 k done, your first half marathon done, you still dreaming of Badwater water. Okay. But the second year you might get to an ultramarathon in the Fuji, you might give to opt for marathons three ultra-marathons. I mean, Bang, you're there, it speeds up. And this is the power of like compounding interest, right? I'm learning all about compounding interests in regards to real estate. The power of it is that the interest gets the interest on the interest.
Speaker 2: (18:56)
It really, really is gold. And the, I often say to people as well that if I, and when people are looking at it, if you could say 50% of this big goal that you've taken yourself in the next 12 months, would you take it and no one has ever said, no, I'll take it into your pull in. It's even taking that much and watching how that, that grow and that grow and that grow. Don't look for perfection and look for consistency. Yeah. You consistent. Then it's going to, it's going to happen. Most people that are looking for exact perfection, it falls over
Speaker 1: (19:28)
If there's one for a commitment thing. Yes. If you do, you might think it's an unrealistic expectation to sit this lofty goal, but you've got, and you can't even see the pathway to getting there. But by taking those steps in, making a commitment to work on it every single day or every single week, depending on the goal and just doing half an hour every day on it, or you know, I'm going to commit to reading one book a week, or I'm going to commit to going to the gym three times a week, or I'm going to commit to a meeting with my friends and running for half an hour, you know, twice a week, whatever those micro commitments are that build it into a daily habits. And then that gets snowballs, a snowball effect so that you actually start to gather momentum and then all of a sudden when you look back what you've achieved in a 12 month period, say it's just like, holy heck, I really did that and that
Speaker 2: (20:22)
All of a sudden you're saying, I am, I can, and I do.
Speaker 1: (20:25)
Yeah, and you started the heat for the style. Getting out of the stat box is a really hard one. And then keeping that momentum in the first months when you haven't seen progress yet and you won't, you might get some quick ones. Like typically with runners, what we say is that it's like absolute beginners I'm talking about and they don't even know how to, you know, like run nonstop for minutes is that they get some really quick ones within a month we can have them running for half an hour straight through and the lot and then typically slows down a little bit. And so it's understanding the nature of learning and the nature of plateaus and understanding how to push through to the next level and not giving up on that allow, you know we don't, you know, working with my mum wants, again, to bring in an analogy from there, we would have times when she'd stopped to make leaps and bounds forward.
Speaker 1: (21:15)
Not Literally, she's still not leaving valley anywhere, but she's, she's getting there. We would make really big gains in a very short time and then would have months of nothing, absolutely nothing, no progress. And when I look back over those months, I'm going, and those are the times when people give up. And those are the Times where you've got to push down, double down and keep going, keep it going. When you push through to the next layer, that's when you get another lot of, you know, last fall and Lisa spoken. Totally, totally agree. Yeah. So I think that's probably enough for today guys. I hope that there was a bit of a help for you. Another mindset up. You know, this is a running podcast and a fitness podcast and is, but there's a hell of a lot of mental stuff because to be honest, this is a big piece of the puzzle. Huge base of the puzzle with your runner, an athlete, a person and business. You know, in the corporate world there's all these same challenges that come across and this is why the crossing, but the crossover between all the disciplines, you learn it for running, but then you actually learn it for life or vice versa, you know? So it really helps. So Neil, any last words to end on? You know, phrasing things positively and not making excuses. You know, apologize, I am a runner, I am a runner.
Speaker 1: (22:40)
I'm a master. I want you to go and write the list guys. I've got a list on my fridge over there. Let's go on. I am a master of like this 50 things on this list that I'd say oneself every time I go to the fridge, which is quite often cause I like date, I have to read three or four of them before I opened the door. And they reinforces in my mind on a subconscious level repetitively, repetitively, I am a master. And then I'll go around in my head saying I am this. And I am that in my mind, you know, and I, I haven't tire runs. Like we don't want to treat my leg, do this for example, where it's boring as hell on monetary mall. There's nothing to look at. Anyway, so I just go into this mantra and I'll pick a couple of things that I'm working on to reprogram my mind.
Speaker 1: (23:26)
And I'll just repeat the mantra over and over and over for a good half an hour until I drive myself and sign. And then I'll go home and I'll start to see the fruit of that Labor, not from, not only physically from the training session, but mentally as well. So there's a quick tip for you to go and do that. Easy wins, easy wins. All right guys, we'll as usual, if you want to reach out to us, you can get hold of Neil and I, firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com. Check out our website to Lisa tomothy.com and check out all their programs, their mindset university epigenetics program and running programs. Come and join us on our Facebook group. You can find it just a look up Facebook groups, Lisa Tamati. And hit us up on social media and we're really active on Instagram. You know, Facebook and Youtube. We have huge youtube channel on that point.
Speaker 1: (24:17)
I just wanted to remind people, actually I've got about, I think it's eight documentaries on my youtube channel, full length running documentaries from places like running through the Gobi desert or death valley, the Himalayas, Australia, the outback of Australia. There's a whole lot of good stuff there. If you want some full length movies and you're sick of Netflix, come and check out my channel. Much more interesting. Certainly better than the Kardashians I can tell you that much. So yeah, check those out. Just hop on over to the youtube channel and put in Lisa Tamati. And I've got a playlist here of ultra marathon documentary, so check that out, right guys, thanks for your time today. We'll see you again next week. Thanks. Okay.